Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Final Fantasy X

I must start with this before we go any further. I know a lot of people who have played Final Fantasy games, and while everyone has played different parts of the series, and have differing opinions on which ones were the best, many seem to have really enjoyed Final Fantasy X.

 On a scale of 1 to RAGE, I'd have to place this somewhere in the ballpark of diappointment, and angry confusion. How do people like this? It boggles my mind.

Final Fantasy X is the story of one chill dude named Auron who has to put up with the inane crap of his possibly retarded companions as they escort a smiling, cross-eyed, suicidal chick to her doom, to please the giant death-machine in the sky. Well, that's not quite right. You're not following the story of Auron. You're following the story of the ADHD poster-child as he tries to go 20 minutes at a time without breaking down crying about his daddy issues, or how he's not in the right millennium. WAH, DADDY DOESN'T LOVE ME. WAH, WHY DIDN'T DADDY RESPECT ME. WAH, EVERYONE I KNEW DIED A FIERY AND PAINFUL DEATH A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. Alright, that one may be legitimate, but for the love of all that's holy, grow a pair. This whiner's name is Tidus, for those of you unfamiliar to this game. This guy is simultaneously known for his tendency to cry every chance that he gets, and his disconcerting over-enthusiasm. He could be bawling his annoying little eyes out one moment, but then if you pulled out a Blitzball, his face would suddenly become an exaggerated caricature of an anime character, and scream "BLITZBALL?!?!?!?!11 I LOVE BLITZBALL!!!!!!!!!11!", instantly forgetting that he personally witnessed the deaths of millions in what was essentially the apocalypse. Oh, wait, that really doesn't haunt him that badly. Or, really at all. He was crying because his father really didn't care about him.

Which brings us to his father, Jehct. Jehct, as it turns out, has been morphed into aforementioned giant death-machine in the sky. I'd like to think the transformation had something to do with the hatred he harbored towards himself for raising that whiny snot Tidus. Even 1000 years into the future, Tidus is still able to call his daddy issues relevant, perhaps more so, since his dad's hobbies changed from Blitzball, being all-around awesome and famous, and ignoring his failed attempt at a son, to destroying cities, flying over large groups of people and murdering them, and occasionally accepting the blood sacrifices from the sad, sad people of Spira. All in all, a very identifiable father figure we can all sympathize with.

The story is ridiculous, and the characters are dumb as shit. More of this rant, continued, on it's way.


  1. lol the endless battle of final fantasy, which one is better? we'll never know.

  2. Haha, Final Fantasy X is a fucking classic! I still play that sometimes

  3. I also still play that occasionally

  4. I remember when that came out. I tried it a bit, but didn't exactly play beyond that stupid thing with the balls. I hated it. I hate most ff games.

    But I've never played them so...